Malia Obama Held Without Bail — Until Daddy Showed Up

Sources inside the Harvard Square Correctional Facility say that they have a new resident — and she won’t be getting out soon. While authorities and the news are hush-hush about it, patriots working inside the exclusive jail for rich college kids say that Malia won’t be there long:

“The kids in here are here because they live nearby and this is the closest facility, so they’re all a bunch of wealthy brats. Malia is held without bail, though, meaning she must have done something big and commited a felony. She’ll be expelled for that and then they’ll probably send her to a federal facility like Riker’s Island.”

A check of public records shows a “Marsha Soetoro” on the docket for Cambridge Superior Court next Monday before Federal Magistrate Art Tubolls, famous for releasing the gloves into evidence in the OJ Simpson murder trial. The record is sealed and the charges redacted. No court official will confirm that Malia is there, only that a “nice African-American girl with long braids fitting her description is currently being held for psychiatric evaluation.”

Nobody seems to know what that means other than she’ll never get a gun in Massachusetts now. There’s always New Hampshire.

Rumors are already circulating that Daddy Soetoro is in a fit of rage, because there’s nothing he can do to stop it. The rumors have yet to be confirmed, but from what we know of Obama and his 8-year crime spree in the White House, it’s all probably true.