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243 Angry Passengers Grounded In Iowa After Nancy Pelosi’s Drunken Rampage

Nancy Pelosi is drunk again, but this time she can’t simply go home. First, she caused such a disturbance on a commercial flight from Denver to Southern California that the pilots had to divert and land in Iowa. Then, she managed to get herself lost.

Secret Service was completely flummoxed. The Speaker of the House had just…vanished…at 30K feet. As soon as the plane landed, the area was locked down so the plane could be searched, leaving more than 200 people sitting on a hot runway in Dubuque. After about an hour, Pelosi was found below deck in the luggage compartment, asleep with somebody’s golden retriever.

Supervisory Special Agent in Charge of Agents, Art Tubolls, tells the story as it happened:

“First, I followed a trail of spilled vodka and jelly beans to the staff elevator. I took it down to the galley level, where I found that someone had raided the fridge and sucked all the nitrous from the whipped cream cans.

From there I proceeded into the pressurized luggage compartment, where sensitive and live cargo are shipped, and that’s where I found her. At first I thought…awww…that’s cute. Then I realized the dog wasn’t licking her, it was eating the vomited french fries she grabbed at the Airport Carl’s Jr. in Denver.

She was toast. I secured our HVT and we left the premises. Until she wakes up and confirms nobody drugged her and dragged her down there, those folks will have to sit tight.”

The agents have been nice to the passengers, offering them walks outside and as much to eat and drink as they like, but they still have to endure a late arrival, missed work or time with family, and a whole lot of unnecessary hassle because of Nancy Pelosi’s drinking. It’s about time someone did something.

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